Dog Jokes

What do you get if you take a really big dog out for a walk?
A Great Dane out!

Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.

What's the difference between dogs and fleas?
Dogs can have fleas but fleas can't have dogs.

 "I've lost my dog!"
"Why don't you put an advertisement in the paper?"
"Don't be silly, he can't read!

What's the only kind of dog you can eat?
A hot dog.

Where does a Rottweiller sit in the cinema?
Anywhere he wants to!

What do you get if you cross a beetle with an australian dog?
Dingo Starr.

How does a dog make friends?
He wags his tail instead of his tongue.

Why do dogs wag their tails?
Because no one else will wag them for them.

What goes "woof, woof, tick, tick?"
A watchdog.

What do you get if you cross a dog with a computer?
A computer with lots of bites.

What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?
His bark was much worse than his bite.

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.

What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?
A collie-flower.

What kind of dog sounds like you can eat it?
A sausage dog.

When is a brown dog not a brown dog?
When it's a greyhound!

What do you get if you cross a Rottweiller with a hyena?
I don't know but if it laughs I'll join in.

What did the starving dalmatian say when he had a meal?
That hits the spot!

What is a dog's favourite food?
Anything that is on your plate!

What's a dog's favourite flower?
Anything in your garden.

What are blue-blooded, short-legged, and live in a palace?
The Queen's corgi dogs!

Why don't dogs make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.

What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppy dogs.

What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie?
"Doggone!"

What do you do if a dog swallows your pen?
Use a pencil instead.

What do you get if you cross a jelly with a sheep dog?
Collie-wobbles.

What do you get if you cross a dog with concorde?
A jet setter.

DOGS TO BE CARRIED ON THE ESCALATOR
That must be difficult in peke hour!

What do you get if you cross a dog with a sheep?
A sheep that can round itself up!

"I feed my dog onions every day."
"Why do you do that?"
"It makes his bark worse than his bite!"

Why is it every time the doorbell rings my dog goes into the corner?
He's a boxer.

Why did the dachshund bite the woman's ankle?
Because he was short and he couldn't reach any higher.

Where do eskimos train their dogs?
In the mushroom.

What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear?
Petticoat.

How do you stop a dog smelling?
Put a clothes peg on its nose!

What do you call a dog in the middle of a muddy road?
A mutt in a rut.

What's a dog's favourite hobby?
Collecting fleas!

Why is it called a "litter" of puppies?
Because they mess up the whole house.

What happened when the dog went to see the flea circus?
It stole the show.

What is the most likely time a stray dog will walk into your home?
when the door is open.

What did the angry Father sing when he found his slippers chewed by the puppy?
I must throw that doggie out the window!

How can you tell if you have a stupid dog?
It chases parked cars.

What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
You can step in a poodle!

What do you get if you cross a giraffe with a dog?
A dog that barks at low flying aircraft.

Why did the dog wear sneakers?
Because his boots were at the cobblers.

If a husky dog can stand the lowest temperatures, which can stand the hottest?
A hot dog.

Why do dogs bury their bones in the ground?
Because they can't bury them in trees!!!!

Why did the snowman call his dog Frost?
Because Frost bites.

What do you get if you cross a dog and a cheetah?
A dog that chases cars- and catches them!

"I had to shoot my dog!"
"Was he mad?"
"Well he wasn't too pleased about it!"