Christmas Jokes

What's the difference between
Father christmas and a warm dog?

Father Christmas wears
a whole suit, a dog just  pants.

What man claps at Christmas?

Santaplause.

Where do elves go to get fit?

Elf farms.

What do you feed 
under-nourished elves?

Elf-raising flour.

What is an Ig?

An eskimos house
without a loo.

What do gorillas sing 
at Christmastide?

Jungle bells, Jungle bells.

Why is it difficult to keep
a secret at the North Pole?

Because your
teeth tend to chatter.

Which is fastest heat or cold?

Heat because you can catch cold.

What's huge, icy
and tastes delicious?

A glacier mint.

What did the polar
bear have for lunch?

Ice burgers.

Little Jack Horner,
Sat in a corner
Eating his Christmas pie.
He put in his thumb,
but instead of a plum,
He squirted fruit juice in his eye.

Where do all good 
turkeys go when they die?

To oven

What swings about 
the cake shop yodelling?

Tarzipan.

What sugar sings?

Icing sugar.

Knock, Knock

Who's there?

Atch.

Atch who?

Sorry, I didn't know you had a cold.

What do snowmen dance at?

A snow ball.

What's white and furry
and smells of peppermint?

A polo bear.

Who invented the first fireplace?

Alfred the Grate

What do angry mice send 
each other at Christmas?

Cross-mouse cards.