Animal Jokes

Why did the mother kangaroo scold her children?
Because they ate biscuits in bed.

What's striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick.

What did one kangaroo say to another during a thunderstorm?
I wish it would stop raining, I hate to have my kid cooped up like this!

What's the difference between a tiger and a lion?
A tiger has the mane part missing.

On which side does a tiger have most stripes?
On the outside.

Who went into the tigers den and came out alive?
The tiger.

What do you get if you cross a tiger and a sheep?
A stripey sweater.

What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo?
A stripey jumper.

What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?
Frostbite.

If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what's a tiger?
Stri-ped.

What's striped and goes round and round?
A tiger in a revolving door.

What's the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.

What do you do if a gorillas decides to sleep in your bed?
Sleep somewhere else.

What do you call a gorilla with a tommy-gun?
Sir.

What keys are furry?
Monkeys.

What animal has two humps and is found at the North Pole?
A lost camel.

What's yellow and black with red spots ?
A leopard with measles.

Peter:I just bought this new camel coat.
Paul:It looks like the camel is still in it!

What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog?
A terrified postman!

Which cat should you never play cards with?
A cheetah.

What happened to the leopard who took a bath three times a day?
He was soon spotless.

How does a leopard change his spots?
When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another.

Why don't leopards escape from the zoo for long?
Because they are easily spotted.

What is the largest species of mouse in the world?
A hippopotamouse.

What weighs two thousand pounds and wears a flower behind its ear?
A hippy-potamous

1st rhinoceros:What's that over there?
2nd rhinoceros: It's a hippopotamus.
1st rhinoceros:Fancy having such a horrible face!!!

What is a giraffe's favourite joke?
A tall story.

What do you call a giraffe who stands on your toe?
Anything you like his head is too far away to hear you!

What is the difference between a lion with a toothache and a rainstorm?
One roars with pain and the other pours with rain.

Did you hear about the lion's show?
It was a roaring success.

What lion never moves?
A dandelion.

What are the best steps to take if you meet an escaped lion?
Very long ones!

What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
"Let us prey."

What's a lion's favourite food?
Baked beings.

What did the lion say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?
"Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing."

On which day do lions eat people?
Chewsday.

What do you call a show full of lions?
The mane event.

What does a lion brush his mane with?
A catacomb.

What's green and slimy and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.

When is a lion not a lion?
When he turns into his cage.

What's a crocodiles favourite game?
Snap.

What did the traffic light say to the zebra crossing?
Don't look now I'm changing.

What do you get if you cross a crocodile with a rose?
I don't know, but I wouldn't try smelling it!!

What's black and white and noisy?
A zebra with a set of drums.

What do you get if you cross a zebra with a pig?
Striped sausages.